Jade Helm 15 Update: U.S. troops storm defenseless Whataburger in Texas, stiff waitress on tip

Credit: Whataburger screen shot

The long-awaited U.S. government takeover of Texas -- a project known as Jade Helm 15 -- began on Wednesday. Fritterati will report updates from our correspondent on the battlefield as sobriety permits.

A U.S. Army jeep carrying three federal soldiers rolled into the parking lot of Whataburger #590 at 401 State Highway 71 W Bastrop, TX 78602 on Wednesday, 7/15/15, at 0700. The Yankees soldiers were surveilled entering the restaurant from the east in single file.  

Freedom operatives inside the establishment report that the occupying troops ordered a Jalapeno Cheddar Biscuit Sandwich, a Pancake Platter, a Honey Butter Chicken Biscuit, and three large cups of coffee (two black, one with cream and sugar). Their combined tip equaled only 13.4% of the total bill. A provocation, to say the least. And clearly a hint of the abusive, jack-booted behavior to come.

The federal troops disengaged from the restaurant at precisely 0749. The jeep then proceeded in a westerly direction on Highway 71. The soldier in the passenger side front seat was observed talking on a secure mobile device, likely conveying coordinates for an air strike on Whataburger #590. This is going to get ugly.

I will continue to monitor federal troop movements and construct bizarre and barely intelligible conspiracy theories to support the preconceived, paranoid beliefs of our nation's most unstable and reality-detached citizens. Liberty will not die on our watch. Even if sanity already has. Jim Bowie, Texas Patriot, signing out.

This story, "Jade Helm 15 Update: U.S. troops storm defenseless Whataburger in Texas, stiff waitress on tip" was originally published by Fritterati.

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