Top insulting names Comcast has created for opponents of its failed bid to buy Time Warner

Credit: Mike Mozart via Flickr

As many Fritterati readers know, cable and broadband giant Comcast likes to rename ungrateful customers who complain about their service, question their bill, or dare to cancel their account for some lame reason like they're moving or are dead.

Now that Comcast's high-priced attorneys have failed in their mission to convince the Department of Justice that combining the two largest cable and broadband providers in the U.S. into one giant monolith would be a great victory for customers, it's time for Comcast's far more effective unit -- customer relations -- to salvage something from this fiasco: The creation of demeaning nicknames for opponents of the merger.

Fritterati has received a confidential email laying out details of Comcast's Failed Merger Renaming Campaign. It's some of the notorious company's finest work yet:

Department of Justice = Department of Jerkoffs

Federal Communications Commission = Federal Communist Commission

Industry analyst Rich Greenfield = Rich Gangrene

DISH Network = DISH Notwork

Sports Fans Coalition Chairman David Goodfriend = David Badfriend

Minnesota Senator Al Franken = Tom Davis

Writers Guild of America = Unemployed Enemies of America

Stop Mega Comcast coalition = Stop Mega Progress coalition

Free Press policy director Matt Wood = Matt Wouldn't

Industry analyst Craig Moffett = Craig Muffed It

Comcast spokeswoman Sena Fitzmaurice = Senile Fitzmorose (Whoa! Friendly fire!)

Comcast reportedly will unveil the new names on Friday when it announces plans to abandon the merger.

This story, "Top insulting names Comcast has created for opponents of its failed bid to buy Time Warner" was originally published by Fritterati.